Memory: I Strain My Brain. Nothing. Why Was Mr. Boy There? Was He? I’m sure…
Here is everything I know about memory. I have a strong one. I can remember most everything—who was there, what we ate, who wore what, and what was said—granted I haven’t had too much to drink. But even so my memory rarely fails me. How has this mystery slipped through the cracks?
I was in a strange setting, and there were a lot of people from Texas there. I didn’t think any thing of it at the time. I had a crush on an older man from Argentina, or so the twisted story goes, I thought he was. He’s not. But what about the young artist with longish brown hair, why can’t I remember him?
I strain my brain. Nothing. Just give me his face. I strain my brain. Nothing. I know it was Mr. Boy. An ex-lover I would cross paths with 3 years later. This doesn’t make sense. Why don’t I remember him? Why didn’t I pay attention to him besides looking at his art once? Most puzzling why don’t I remember his face? Or maybe I do. I just can’t see it. What was he doing there with these big money rollers from Texas and incognito Mr. Argentinian who is really from where? Too many questions left unanswered.
Why has my memory forgotten his face? Did I ever see it? Who does he work for? What is it a set up? A test? Incognito Argentina won, sort of, at the time. Was this young artist there really Mr. Boy? I strain my brain. Nothing.
Love it! This is very creative. It reads easy, and doesn’t let you turn away until it’s over. Tell me, with all of these posts go into the book you’re writing? Also, I notice you’re tagging these literary posts with the word ‘bipolar.’ Is there a bipolar theme to these stories? Sorry if I’m slow, but I want to be sure.
Thanks tvexplorer.
Some of my posts will be parts of my book, but not in the exact wordage or time frame, obviously since theses are just small blogs of events that would take much more than a blog to explain. So the answer is yes and no as per posts going into my book. However the pieces I sense a stronger attraction to by viewers I may be more inclined to spend more time on that piece, subject, or time frame.
Bipolar I guess I would have to say is a common thread between all posts. For one, I have a diagnosis of it, and thus these posts are case specific to bipolar, but they are not only about bipolar, as I’m sure you can tell. They are about life and a life within my life that occurred. Sometimes I was and am unsure how much is contributed by my having bipolar if any at all. I have some posts that are more directed towards the psychology field (but what isn’t, really?), so some are more bipolar prone than others, thus I tend to tag most with bipolar not to leave the group out. Does that make any sense?
Anyway, thanks again for the compliment on this posting. I’ve been short lately, so thanks. How often do you post?
Have a great weekend tvexplorer!
Truly,
Mea Nada Madison
P.S. Maybe I need to include more information to complete the story, if you think so, let me know. I’d appreciate the honest feedback.
Mea, I’m doing well to post one article per week. Lately, it’s been more like one every two weeks. It’s not that it takes me that long to prepare a post. The truth is, I’m running out of things to say about my affair. It doesn’t seem to have as much meaning. My “other woman” is gone. Gone, gone, gone. What happened in the summer of ‘07 is ancient history. I feel I’ve explored every angle to the affair. And believe it or not, you provided the last piece of the puzzle.
What piece?
The Bipolar 1 factor. If you’ve read my early posts, you know I was quite harsh toward bipolar people. It’s nothing personal. I was just hurting. I was convinced that people with bipolar were incapable of love. True love. I believed that my ex-lover’s affair with me was the result of a “manic episode.” Nothing more. I also believed that the creativity she once possessed (and exhibited in her blogs) was also the result of uncontrolled mania. You see, once my ex was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, her creativity stopped. She no longer has a blog. She no longer has a desire (or need) to write. About anything. It’s a radical change from the person I once knew. It’s why I concluded that that person never really existed. Once the Zyprexa and Depakote kicked in, that wild, loving, creative person was gone.
Then I saw your blog, and learned that people with Bipolar 1 do have a soul. You write like the wind. You write like a person who has something to say, and if it sounds manic at times, well, so be it! You write about love. You write about relationships. You write about the human condition. And because of this, I can only conclude that the reason my ex doesn’t write anymore is because she’s a dumbass. And it has nothing to do with her bipolar condition.
Sorry to leave such a long comment, but I wanted you to know where I was coming from. You are an excellent writer, Mea. Keep it up!
tvexplorer,
Wow. I was speechless when I first read your comment and extremely generous compliments about my helping you and about my writing well–’like the wind’. Thank you for lack of better words to show my appreciation.
I was not and am not offended by a person who ’sounds off’ on bipolar, especially someone who has been affected by someone in a negative way. If not negative, affected and maybe hurt. You only know the right words for your situation. The illness can be very destructive, and I’m sure a few men in my life may not say the greatest things about me or bipolar. Maybe not true. I’m not sure really, but I know I’ve hurt people, but for more of the same reasons as you did to your wife at one point in time.
Point being, I’ve learned a lot from your blog posts and the stream of comments per your affair too. I’ve at times allowed you to even take the form of some one I believe your not, and that would be my ex-lover. Let’s safely assume your not. But it’s a crazy world we live in.
Have I found my closure that you seemed to have found? No. I don’t think for me I will. It’s always complex when it comes to love, life, and human condition so my answer remains unknown. And in a relationship, I need to ask myself why I’m asking anyways. Human nature, I guess.
I’m starting a new business venture, so I won’t be able to blog as much. I love writing so bummed about that, but business is exciting and their is more than enough to do and only so much time. I’ll be around though, so keep posted!
Your a fabulous writer yourself. You have the timing down with words, and they flow together well to make great blog posts that pose interesting discussions. And I’m sure you’ll find a new subject to dissect somewhere buried in your life and surroundings.
Take care.
Truly yours,
Mea Nada Madison
I could have written a blog about this comment. Damn.
wink.
I wish you luck in your new endeavor. I’m sure you will write new posts when you can. Writers write because they must. Not because they have extra time on their hands. Don’t be a stranger!